Are you new to cancer caregiving? Do you know someone who is? When cancer strikes our loved one, we caregivers instantly begin playing a role we've never played before. Cancer impacts every aspect of our life. We get no training, no chance to get good at it first. We just start playing the game!
I am a beginner.
I am entering a new game about which I know nothing. I do not yet know how to move in this game. I see many other people playing in this game now. This game has gone on for many years prior to my arrival. I am a new recruit arriving here for the first time. I see value to me in learning to navigate in this domain.
There is much for me to learn: The basic terminology. The basic rules. The basic moves of action. The basic strategies.
While I am learning these things I may feel various negative reactions: Overwhelmed at how much there is to learn. Insecure that I do not know what to do. Inadequate that I lack the capacity to do this. Frustrated and discouraged that my progress is so slow. Angry that I have been given insufficient guidance. Anxious that I may never satisfy all the expectations of my loved-ones. Embarrassed that everyone can see my mistakes.
But these moods are part of being a beginner. It does not serve my goal and ambition to dwell in them.
Instead, if I make a mistake, I will ask, "What lesson does this teach?". If I make a discovery, I will celebrate my aha moment! If I feel alone, I will remember that I have many friends ready to help. If I am stuck, I will ask for help from my teachers.
Over time, I will make fewer mistakes. I will gain confidence in my abilities. I will need less guidance from my teachers and friends. I will gain familiarity with the game. I will not cause breakdowns for promises I lack the competence to keep. I have an ambition to become competent, perhaps even proficient or expert in this game.
But for now, I am a beginner.